Like many, I had no idea who Jon Berghoff was before attending the Quantum Leap Mastermind (QLM). Jon is one of Hal Elrod's best friends and the man behind all of Hal's live events. Jon is a master facilitator and the founder of the Flourishing Leadership Institute (FLI). FLI uses a progressive approach called appreciative inquiry to help whole systems create collaborative solutions by focusing on their strengths and asking questions that are fateful. I've had the honor to get to know Jon and his family on a personal level this year and am truly blown away by the incredible knowledge he has and so generously shares. He is one of the parents we featured in our book, The Miracle Morning for Parents and Families. Here is his Parenting Profile:
Parenting Profile—Jon Berghoff
Jon began his career as a distributor for Cutco Cutlery, achieving the top spot in sales in his first year. For more than a decade now, Jon has uncovered, tested, and taught sales and influence strategies. Jon's interactive training events have reached over 75,000 live students internationally, and he has conducted over 3,500 private coaching calls with clients from more than 100 professions and trades.
Jon is married with three kids, ages 6, 4, and 2.
Parenting Philosophy. Recognize that your kids are always learning from you. Every single thing I do is a form of training for my kids. I used to sit down with my kids and give them little talks. Short, 3- to 5-minute life lessons. The first 100 times I did that, I kept thinking, Why aren't they responding in some profound way? Well, a five-year-old just might not be capable of externalizing a response yet. I've come to realize that regardless of how they respond, it's sinking in. If I ask my son something deep and profound, and I want a profound answer, 99 times out of 100, he responds by talking about superheroes. But what happens next is that, all of a sudden, I do get a profound response. I'm reminded that the other 99 times the lesson is still sinking in.
Best Parenting Tips.
Spend time with your kids. It's not about the quantity, it's about the quality. That doesn't mean that the quality is always where I would like it to be, but that is something that I think about.
Make it tactical. I ask myself all the time, how can I involve my kids in things where it would be easy not to involve them? For example, exercise. I've realized I could make an excuse, or I could involve them in my exercise routine. If I put them in a stroller and add weights underneath, I can work out intensely, and my kids don't even realize that's what I'm doing. They think we're running through the woods on our way to the playground.
Be willing to learn from your children. Having kids has given me a very rich sense of meaning that my life didn’t have before. My kids have taught me to have a certain amount of humility around the way I think the world should be.
Pay attention. I think there's probably a lot of parents that are sleepwalking, just trying to make it through the day. They don't realize that their kids are reflecting back to them both their greatest weaknesses and greatest strengths. What a great learning opportunity. If you pay attention, you can use the information to become a better person and a better parent.
Parenting success story. My son didn’t seem to like soccer, a sport I was really good at. That was tough for me. But I had to realize that kids get engaged at their own individual unique pace. They get interested. It's not something that we can control. My wife and I decided that we're going to expose our kids to anything they don't want to be exposed to, no matter what we think of it.
We changed our way of thinking to focus on the child rather than ourselves. So now we ask, what are they enjoying, and what are they good at? This helped us stop putting them in environments that they don't want to be in and to find the ones they want to be in.
Final word—Remember the impermanence of everything. My daughter is only going to be four once. It's so easy for me to see everything that's frustrating and say to myself, I can't wait until she's eight. I try to remind myself that there are things about this age that I'm never going to get again. Whether it's a certain innocence or a certain playfulness, every stage has something that's beautiful about it. If we're constantly waiting until they get through the current phase, then we're unconsciously disengaging. Reconnect to what's great about the chapter they're in. Appreciate it, and let them know.
I am grateful for Jon's contribution to our book and the knowledge he shared. I'm grateful our families have become friends this year and that we can bounce ideas off of each other. I'm grateful to be at BYEB where Jon is facilitating and I get to see my QLM Family again! I'd love to hear your best parenting tips. You can comment below or, better yet, join the conversation in our Facebook Group.